Tuesday, January 31, 2006

SUNDAY

Name: SUNDAY
Home: undisclosed
Kind: Andrew Zangerle-ese
Likes: chilling out, contemplating
Family: robot.sock.monkey (archives: Dec.07.2005)

Bio: SUNDAY enjoys hanging out with his bud robot.sock.monkey and watching the sun rise from Chris' office window. The two also seem to enjoy sitting on a mirror, contemplatively studying their reflections.

Monday, January 30, 2006

(No.) 2

Name: 2
Age: 2.5
Kind: gorilla
Home: secret
Occupation: being lucky
Obsessions: slightly rotten fruit, hoagies, jam, Dan Akyroyd, stock market
Dislikes: overly friendly people, sing-songy voices and music
Most proud of: his supergrip
Dreams of: Wall Street

Bio: 2 is a relatively happy gorilla who hates grinders, but loves hoagies. He saw the movie Trading Places and found his life calling. An apt analyst and realist, 2 knows it'll be nearly impossible for him to get a seat on the Market, but he intends to try. 2 is a disciplined optimist who is trying to find the power in positive thought. He's got a friend who's been talking to him about Noam Chomsky, veganism, and Fugazi.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Vancgy

Name: Vancgy
Age: 2
Kind: crochet
Home: Philadelphia, PA
Occupation: hanger-on
Obsessions: backpacks, dim-sum, Asian pop music
Dislikes: rap, chewing gum, smoke
Most proud of: nothing
Dreams of: fluffy clouds, discos, angels

Bio: Vancgy really doesn't have much to say for himself. He's got the shyness of youngsters. Hungry for the romance of life itself, he is full of vague dreams of adventure and sunny vistas.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Special P

Name: Special P
Age: 10 years
Kind: electronic panda
Home: gas stub
Occupation: alarm
Obsessions: guarding, watching, cell phones
Dislikes: thieves, Luke
Most proud of: shrill voice
Dreams of: being rescued

Bio: Special P feels disenfranchised due to her present location, hanging on a wall via an old gas line. She would like to be on the job, watching over a cell phone, at the ready to use her shrill voice to alarm her owner to an imminent thievery. Over the hill and obsolete, she isn't sure how to redefine her life. She would welcome any advice readers may have to offer her.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Slavery!

Stuffedster doesn't know what this parrot's name is. He's likely been held captive for most of his life by an evil syndicate of entrepreneurs. These shysters kidnap magnificent creatures (such as this parrot) at an early age and force them to sell cheap wares. Their audience is, however, unsympathetic and they mostly ignore his presence. This parrot sits in his cage and says things like, "Pretty boy," and "Polly wants a quarter." It's obvious that his spirit is broken. His lack of charm ensures that his freedom was taken in vain. Only young children fall for his dispirited act.

Stuffedster would like to call attention to the plight of these animals. Anyone who knows of other captured creatures should send pictures and information to Stuffedster so that their stories can be posted here and shared with others. Perhaps, eventually, this sort of cruelty will be halted. See sidebar for submission information. Thank you.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Pac-man


Name: Pac-man
Age: 27 years old
Kind: digital circle
Home: Tokyo, Japan
Occupation: husband, father, ghost exterminator
Obsessions: fruits, dots, ghosts, pizza, and other yummy things
Dislikes: Inky, Blinky, Pinky, and Clyde
Most proud of: Pac-man Jr.
Dreams of: living by the noble eightfold path and reaching enlightenment (thus subverting the possiblilty of reincarnation) and being reunited with Iwatani Toru

Bio: Pac-man is tired of dying and reviving, but he doesn't yet have the discipline to let go of all his desires. Chief amongst the things he would like to do before embarking on an ascetic lifestyle would be to meet Billy Mitchell and Iwatani Toru. Pac-man would like to thank Billy Mitchell for his dedication to him and he would like to live with Iwatani Toru, who Pac-man hopes, would call him by his true name, Puck-man.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Xiang chang

Name: Xiang chang
Age: 4
Kind: Chinese-American wombat
Home: Mehoopany, PA
Occupation: "mountain" climber
Obsessions: sausages, exercise
Dislikes: waste, rainy days, vegetables
Most proud of: his physique
Dreams of: riding on a zipline, monster truck rallies, campfires

Bio: Xiang chang is a hale wombat of few words. He enjoys the outdoors and gamboling about over fields and rocks, but like many wombats, he is slightly given to delusions of grandeur when it comes to his capabilities.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Shmoosh, Pathetic, and No Name

Name: Shmoosh, Pathetic, and No Name
Age: unknown, estimated 4 years
Kind: can't really tell (dangling)
Home: feels pretty much OK everywhere
Occupation: none
Obsessions: hot dogs, car tires, black top, kitchen window sills, melancholy
Dislikes: marshmallows, cat tails (the kind that grow in marshes), pumpkin-shaped containers
Most proud of: being a survivor
Dreams of: being flattened on the road

Bio: His strong will and pleading demeanor saved him from the elements of a southern, college town. Found face down in a busy crosswalk, his Benfactor couldn't pass by without picking him up. The Benefactor's companions responded to this action with a unanimous and resounding, "Eww, what are you doing? You're keeping it? That's gross, oh, and pathetic." His contemplative manner earned him a spot over the sink in the Benefactor's kitchen. When there's a lot of washing up to be done, they take the time to gaze at each other every so often. Sometimes he looks like he's crying, but he's not.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

(No.) 1

Name: 1
Age: 3
Kind: white lion
Home: secret
Occupation: being lucky
Obsessions: plastic surgery, recessive genetic conditions, orphans
Dislikes: sadness, yoga
Most proud of: his mane
Dreams of: finding his place in the world

Bio: 1 is the first in a line of mutated animals produced by a selfish person intent upon creating a line of stuffed lucky creatures. 1 is aware of this situation and is conflicted by his relationship to humans. 1 is drawn to create and explore human friendships, but is simultaneously wary of their intents.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Gordon and Gordon

Name: Gordon and Gordon Shumway
Age: really old!
Kind: alien life forms
Home: Melmac, LA, the Universe
Occupation: wiseguys, public figures, representatives of Melmac
Obsessions: cat cuisine
Dislikes: too many things to list
Most proud of: talent for songwriting
Dreams of: eating cats

Bio: Inventors of sundry products and fans of rodents (both live and handcrafted), Gordon & Gordon are self-proclaimed masters of the art of sit-down comedy. They are heavily influenced by Rodney Dangerfield and also feel that they "get no respect." Descended from an illustrious family of scientists, inventors, and entertainers, Gordon and Gordon have a number of talents. They're great at hugging legs, making furry couches, and impersonating cheese.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Happy New Year! from your pals at Stuffedster